Tell her she can't.

I was on the phone with my dad last night and he brought up an important memory. In any other circumstance I wouldn't think much of it, but in the last 3 months I have really keyed in on conversations like this to help me to understand what the heck is going on in my life.

Alina in the Studio, Photo by Patrick @Acuity Photography

"I remember when you were going to give birth to Langston, and a woman at work said you would never make it in natural childbirth. I was sure that when she said it there would be no turning back for you. You can't tell Rachel she can't."

And he is right. A crotchety women with a face much older than her age arrived in my mind's eye, finger wagging during an occasional "I am going to give up" contraction. I wish it was the thought of his beautiful pink skin and bright eyes that kept me going in those hardest moments, but instead it was of a very important future conversation over the break room table- her stirring her oatmeal in contempt as I recounted my harrowing journey through 8 hours of labor.

I don't think the convo ever occurred, but whatever keeps you going!

I'd be pretty sad for myself if I did everything in life in order to prove someone wrong. But I will say that although life can be the sum of a long, steady climb, mine has felt much more like short bursts and quantum leaps! I have experienced years of Groundhog Days only to arrive at an exponential jump that leaves me riddled with feelings of "where the heck am I & how did I get here?"

Over the last 2 years I have read/listened to several self help books that have been extremely popular in entrepreneurship, trying to understand my mindset issues expecially around self-confidence and money. One of the focuses of this book is to look to the past for key moments of greatness in order to encourage what might be possible in the future. It's a convenient concept because it ties in well with core beliefs that God has been and will always be faithful.

You can look at the small things, but this exercise is for the moments when things really, really came together. Think of the last battle in every episode of the Power Rangers, when every key aspect of yourself cooperated together to produce a special source of power to arrive at something spectacular. Everything else might have been a mess, but you hyper-focused and got some real stuff done.

Learning to sing.

Going to school in Australia.

Losing 40 lbs and keeping it off for 20 years.

Opening a salon.

Getting into the top 10 in the Talent Greenhouse Competition.

Augusta GA Photographer Acuity Photography

About 18 months ago I hired two women to rent booths at the salon, and although they were fine and drama-free in day-to-day ops, they told me 5 months in that they were determined to leave to start their own salon. I mean great, and great for them- but ouch for me! The move proceeded more slowly for them than anticipated, so for the next year I sat in a place of limbo. Do I work really hard to replace them or do I let it ride while I focus on some other important things and make a move only when necessary?

A year later they left- leaving me alone and let's be honest- ill-prepared for losing that much income all at once. I really can't explain what happened next except that everything has come together in a truly spectacular way, from new clients to unexplained deposits into our bank accounts. The faithfulness of God + the diligence of our hands when combined really can be an unstoppable force!

The next 3 weeks however are slow from where I see them, and I find myself worrying. Honestly- it makes me laugh and bury my face in my hands. "Rachel! God+You- you are an unstoppable force! Look at all that has happened! Look at what you can do when it all comes together!"

But then she sneers, whispering, "You can't. What if you fail? What if you can't pay your bills? What if it all falls apart? What if God wants to teach you a lesson and you fail?"

As she wags her finger in my face, I can't help but think "Tell me I can't."

In the same way my first exeperience in natural childbirth drew me back to the Lord (ask me and I'll tell you), difficult times also can leave us with our hands and eyes upward with our knees on the ground. "God. Tell me what to do and I will do it!" But the thing is, God knows I am a hard worker and would love to be able to take credit for everything that provides for me. I earned it. I deserve it. What is so much harder for me is to release my ability and just let him "do."

I was in the back room last week and I said, "Ok God. I just need like 20 more colors this month," and I felt him say, "Rachel. Do you really want to work that hard?"

I honestly didn't know where this was going when I sat down to write. I have seen many clients in the last few months- many of them like mothers and aunties to me who ask "Any prospects for new stylists?" knowing that losing 3 stylists in 2 months was a major loss of income. It has felt embarassing. I have interviewed several and do have one very patient commission stylist joining me soon, but I just have to trust that God has something working behind the scenes. There is a situation brewing and overnight I will experience dramatic provision and it will be right on time and generous and abundant because that is how God deals with me.

And with you, too. So keep going, even if she says you can't.

xo

Rachel Biestman,

Owner Darling Hair Workshop

Photography Studio in Augusta GA